"Confessions, Part 3" by "Weird Al" Yankovic
Without a doubt the best song on Staight Outta Lynwood, and one of my favorite songs of his; indeed, this song easily makes top 10 of my favorite songs of all time.
The layers of metahumor in this song are amazing: Al skillfully skewers the song's premise, encapsulating the entirety of both songs into a single verse before launching into aweXome. He also subtly pokes the layering effect of modern R & B, even using it to deliver two punchlines at once at the end of the second verse:
FYI, It was not a cold sore
FYI, It was not a cold sore
(Not a cold sore)
Oops, my bad!
(Hope you're not sore at me!)
As for the song itself, it comes on at full throttle from the start and doesn't let up. In the "vein" of the first two Confessions letting his girl in on some deep, dark secrets, Part 3 presents us with a laundry list of things, according to the song itself: "...that should scare you away...".
These new Confessions range from the silly:
...remember when I told you that I knew Pauly Shore?
Pauly Shore? That's a lie.
I don't know what I said that for!
To the unhygenic:
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days...
To the... utterly bizarre:
Oh, and sometimes in private,
Really like to dress up like Shirley Temple
And spank myself with a hockey stick. (Hockey stick)
As a side note, I have two very specific musical pet peeves: long musical introductions to songs, and songs that don't end (a.k.a "repeat and fade").
This song is beautiful because it actually has an ending. An actual story-like ending (spoiler alert):
The song itself ends teasing a fourth Confessions installment, indicating that he's not "...even halfway down the list...", when the girl he's singing to storms out of the room to the singer's utter disbelief.
Hey, where you going?
Honey?
...what?!
W-was it something I said?
*sigh* Women...
Perfect end!
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