Jack Analyzes the Lyrics: I Want To Break Free

Greetings, gentle reader, and welcome to Jack Analyzes the Lyrics.

This is where I, your friend and humble narrator (yes, I watched A Clockwork Orange recently. What of it?) take a song that is either popular or legendary and look deeper into it and try to find out what the hell we were thinking.

You see, there are songs that I've noticed which are indelibly imprinted upon our musical consciousness that, if you take a very close look at what the song is actually saying, you start to wonder about the good sense, and even possibly the sanity, of our previous and current musical generations.

And I'm kicking this one off with a gem. Before I start, though, let me gush a bit about Queen.

Queen is one of the groups that played a vital role in my musical evolution. As a singer of some skill (as regular readers of my blog may be quick to disagree with), I sat, and still sit in awe of the depth, power, and emotion behind the voice of Freddie Mercury, even later in life as AIDS began to take its toll. His body may have wasted, but his voice was full of life up to the end.

The Show Must Go On, indeed.

Even ignoring Freddie's voice, Queen's music was legendary in and of itself: awesome instrumentation, killer harmonies, and some of the most amazing lyrics ever put to record.

While we're on the subject, for you fans of "Bohemian Rhapsody", check out "The Prophet's Song", also off of A Night At the Opera. And prepare to be blown the fuck away.

So, if Queen's music is so incredible, why am I picking a Queen song for this little demonstration?

Well...

You know how some songs have, you know, a theme, an idea that they're centered around, usually based on the title? Well... let's just say this song doesn't get an "A" from Moe Dee for sticking to themes.

This is "I Want To Break Free".

This was released as the second single off of their 1984 album The Works, following the release of the single "Radio Ga Ga", which scored well in the UK, but not as much in the States, only reaching a peak of #16.

This single actually ended up doing worse in the US, primarily because of the video, pictured above, which features all four members of Queen in drag.

British people in drag... Might as well get this reference over with:

Anyway, the video is a parody of a popular British sitcom, and was thus well received in the band's home country. Here, not so much - it was banned by MTV and many other stations.

Because, of course, we can't have people seeing grown men, who are responsible for their own lives and decisions, possibly choosing to dress up like women. I mean, think of the children! [/sarcasm]

Anyway, the result, as you might have guessed, was that the song completely tanked in the States, only reaching #45 on the charts, while easily reaching the top spot in the UK.

So, let's start this detailed analysis by looking at the title: "I Want to Break Free". If we take the title literally, we can expect to hear a song about someone wanting to get out something, possibly a bad relationship or something similar, since this is a rock song. Not exactly breaking new ground, but not a bad topic for a hit pop song.

So how well does the carpet match the drapes, as it were? Let's have a look at the first verse to get an idea:

I want to break free.

I want to break free.

I want to break free from your lies.

You're so self-satisfied.

I don't need you.

I've got to break free.

God knows - God knows I want to break free.

Okay, good start. The narrator is describing their partner as a lying, arrogant prick that they no longer need in their lives, and are ready to break out of the relationship.

It's a little light on details - for example, what lies did this person tell, how does their "self-satisfied" nature bleed through and make their relationship bad - but that's what the rest of the song is for, right? The first verse sets up the song, and we look at the rest of the song for the backstory and the follow-up.

I mean, that's how a song goes, right? You get the listener connected with the first verse, and weave your story in through the rest of the song.

So, okay, Queen, let's have it. How bad is this asshole? Tell me what they did that was so bad that you want to break free.

I've fallen in love

...

...

...what?

I've fallen in love for the first time

And this time, I know it's for real.

Stop, stop, stop, STOP! Hold on a moment here!

What the hell, Queen? Seriously: What the slotting hell?!

You open the song by telling us how much of a lying, arrogant douchebag your current partner is, and now you're going on like you just met a girl named Maria?!

Anyone who pays attention to the lyrics just had the transmission fall out of their brain with that segue! And what's more, it doesn't even fit in with the song! The song is supposedly about "breaking free" - that is away from someone - and now the narrator is trying to move toward someone they've supposedly fallen in love with!

Why "supposedly", you may ask? Well, let's have a look at the next two lines: "I've fallen in love for the first time, and this time, I know it's for real."

We'll split this one in half and pick each line apart separately. "I've fallen in love for the first time..."

How do you know?

If you're feeling this "for the first time", how do you know what you're feeling is actually love? For all you know, you could have accidentally swallowed a dime, or have a spastic colon, or be under the effects of a Gypsy curse! You don't know!

"...you don't like it, but you don't know." - Lewis Black

"...and this time, I know it's for real."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you just say that this was "the first time"? I mean, I'm sure you've forgotten, since it was about three seconds ago!

So what do you have to compare it to to know that it's "for real" this time? Call me crazy, but I'm still leaning toward that whole "dime swallowing" thing.

Let's carry this analysis a bit further: we can safely assume that the narrator is talking to the same person in the first verse as he/she is talking to in the second. This makes me wonder who the real asshole is. Wasn't the narrator supposedly in love with the person they're now trying to "break free" from? I mean, when they started this relationship, were they only kidding when they told their now-ex that they loved them?

This song is going all over the place. Maybe it'll start to coalesce in the bridge. Let's hope that the narrator can somehow use it to bridge these completely disparate ideas...

It's strange, but it's true (yeah)

I can't get over the way you love me like you do,

But I have to be sure when I walk out that door

Oh, how I want to be free, baby

Oh, how I want to be free

Oh, I want to break free!

Good plan: completely ignore the first two verses. I see the songwriter took the Neverending Story philosophy in writing this song.

So, in this incarnation of the metaphor, the narrator wants what all men stereotypically seem to want: sex with no strings.

"Baby, I know you love me, but this bird's gotta fly!"

...which usually ends up with her either flipping him the bird, or kicking him in the fly.

So, in the span of two verses and a bridge, we have the narrator calling his mate an untrustable liar, to a complete non-sequitur about falling in love, to being a jackoff who doesn't want to commit!

Dude! You like it? Put a fucking ring on it!

Anyway, this song confuses the hell out of me. How can John Deacon, the writer of this clusterfuck, screw up such a simple concept as "I Want to Break Free"?!

But, there may yet be hope. There's one verse left. Come on, John. Salvage this thing using your magical wordplay. I mean, you're a member of Queen! You're part of the band that brought us "We Are the Champions" and "Bohemian Rhapsody"... hell, you wrote "Another One Bites the Dust", "Stone Cold Crazy", and "Under Pressure"! You can do better than this!

Come on, John, you can do this! Take us home!

But life still goes on.

I can't get used to living without

Living without, living without you

By my side.

I don't want to live alone.

DO YOU WANT TO BREAK FREE OR DON'T YOU!?

/sigh, shake my head/ I'm sorry. Please continue...

God knows, got to make it on my own.

So, baby, can't you see?

I've got to break free.

Can't even be consistent in the same verse. Amazing.

But, as bad as all that is, it somehow gets worse: According to Wikipedia - take that for what it's worth - Deacon wrote this song as a "male response to the women's liberal [sic] movement."

So... according to John Deacon's point of view, liberated women are angry, bitter, emotional, promiscuous, moody, desperate women who feel incomplete alone, and who simultaneously crave and reject the company of men.

Yeah. That'll get you laid.

If this is the case, this song sets women's rights back 15-20 years... and this song was written in 1983!

Let's compare this to other insanely written songs of rock. "Take the Money and Run", for example. Steve Miller couldn't pull a rhyme out of a clear plastic bag, but at least the song was consistent! And you may not like Jim Croce's style or singing voice, but at least he could tell a fucking story!

So, there you have it. a verse-by-verse analysis of "I Want to Break Free".

...I think that song broke my brain...

Hey, if you have any songs you want me to listen to, analyze, and mock incessantly, drop me a line at cover2covershow@gmail.com.

Until next time, my little Empire, Power off!

Credits

All Queen Songs (c) EMI Music

Monty Python (c) Python (monty) Pictures, Ltd.

"Maria" from "West Side Story" (c) Stephen Sondheim and Leonard Bernstein, Movie Footage (c) United Artists

"I Was Only Kidding" by "Weird Al" Yankovic (c) WAY Moby Records

"Single Ladies" by Beyonce (c) Sony BMG Music

Picture of Kyon from the Haruhi Suzumiya books. Haruhi Suzumiya (c) Tanigawa Nagaru

No challenge to these copyrights is intended nor should be implied. This work is protected by the Fair Use section of US Copyright law.

Artist A-Z #2

Let me make one thing absolutely clear: I am no fanboy.

Yes, there are certain series, musical artists, writers, etc. that I enjoy immensely...

(Disintegration? Sorry, Kyle: Recovery is the greatest album ever.)

...but I don't automatically assume the sun rises and falls on these things. I am free to admit that there are problems with some (sometimes a great deal) of the output related to my favorite book/comic/anime series, artists, etc.

For example: I love Stephen King. His Dark Tower series is one of my favorite books, and his fantasy is just plain amazing.

However, I am not a huge fan of his horror. Misery was gripping and suspenseful, yes, but that was more a thriller than pure horror. And I nearly fell asleep trying to read The Stand. And The Langoliers was lame as hell.

What I'm trying to say is, if there's something wrong with something, even something from someone or something I really like, I'll be the first to point it out.

...which brings us here:

This little number is off of Al's fourth studio album, "Polka Party!", widely dismissed as his worst album.

And I have to agree. There are only four tracks on the CD that are any good, and one of those is the polka medley!

There are ten tracks on "Polka Party!".

You do the math.

I was thinking about skipping the Polka Party tracks on the A-Z list and just do a full Cover2Cover review of Polka Party, but I concluded that I needed to show that, yes, there are bad Weird Al songs, and that I can critique them honestly.

I just wish I didn't have to do this right out of the gate.

The song itself is a parody of the Robert Palmer song "Addicted to Love"

This highlights one of the major problems with the problems with this track - indeed, the same issue exists in all four parodies off of "Polka Party!", but I'll get to that later. For now, let's get right to the review.

There's no good way to say this, so I'll just say it: This song is stupid. And it's not even the good kind of stupid. The funny kind of stupid.

Normally, if you want stupid, Al's your guy. He's made plenty of stupid songs that were actually funny. Hell, just look at any other album in his discography, and you find one or two there that are good, listenable, fun tracks.

This, on the other hand... this one's the bad kind of stupid. The unfunny, lame, embarrassing kind of stupid. This is the kind of song an eight-year-old trying to be Weird Al would write. Hell, this is the kind of song that record executives who think they can write comedy songs would come up with.

But, I repeat myself.

The song is directed toward a guy with a potato fetish, and, in a stunning twist (and by "stunning", I, of course, mean "stunning that I stayed awake this long"), we find out in the end that the narrator happens to be a potatophile too. M Night Shyamalan, eat your heart out!

Now, I personally have no use for potatoes - eating them in any form make me sluggish and sleepy and phlegmy (yeah, you wanted to know that. You're welcome), and IMO have little to no nutritional value whatsoever. But I understand that some people like them and eat them regularly - granted, not to the extremes hinted at in this song, but still...

But as the subject matter for a comedy song, there's not really that much to go on. I mean, how many potato jokes are there? Not a lot, and very few of them actually in the song. It just goes on and on about how much the subject likes potatoes, and the kinds of potatoes he likes, and describes the many ways he gets his potato Jones resolved ("You took a trip to Idaho/Just to watch potatoes grow").

This does not make for a funny song. There's really only two jokes in the song, and even those are a stretch: the first s a pun on the words "potato bug".

("Potato bug/has got me too!")

...and the other one is a groaner about whipped potatoes

("I've often seen them whipped/But they just can't be beat")

Told you.

And, to my utter disappointment: not one eye joke. Potatoes have eyes, people have eyes, there's got to be some kind of joke there! How do I know potatoes have eyes? The beans told me. You know how the beanstalk.

See? I can make lame vegetable jokes too! Where's my recording contract?

Seriously, though, as I hinted at before, there is a specific problem with this, and all the parodies on "Polka Party!", and this is totally my personal opinion based on the evidence at hand.

Up to that point in his career, since his self-titled debut, Al released an album a year, likely to keep himself fresh in the minds of the listening public, since he's lumped in that amorphous group of artists called "novelty acts". This idea can be a double-edged sword, in that in the race to keep yourself relevant, you also may become overexposed, causing fatigue and backlash.

But it wasn't really a backlash that depressed sales and recognition of "Polka Party!"; it's the quality. You see, in that race to remain relevant, with a relatively short time to produce output, you make some poor decisions.

(I'm looking at you, 3 Doors Down)

The choice to make this song was, to me, doomed to fail from the start for two reasons: One, as mentioned, the subject matter doesn't lend itself to very many jokes; and Two, the original song isn't all that lyrically dense to begin with so, even if there were jokes to add, there are very few places to put them. It's like trying to make a DVD case sink to the bottom of the lake by filling it with Styrofoam peanuts.

The song seems to want to make the fact that it's a parody as the joke instead of putting jokes into the parody. And this, as I've stated, a failing of all four parody songs on "Polka Party!", so expect links back to this article in the future.

After the critical and commercial failure of "Polka Party!", Al's next album wasn't released until two years later, and if you thought "Polka Party!" was bad, his follow-up was even worse.

No, that's the name of the album: "Even Worse".

(That was the only chance I was going to get to use that joke, so I took it. Again, you're welcome.)

Okay, that's done, and I'm glad to be away from this one. There's more bad to come, and not just off of "Polka Party!"; there's still enough bad for everyone spread out over the entire discography; "Polka Party!" just happened to get the bulk of it.

Join me next time when we take a first look at one of his original songs. Until then, in the words of a couple of the greatest non-thinkers of the 20th century: "Be excellent to each other!"

Power off!

Next: "Airline Amy"

Artist A-Z #1

Okay, all. I decided it's time to actually post some content, rather than telling you that I may be posting some content sometime in some nebulous future.

One of my original ideas, once I got some traction as a reviewer, was to do a discography series, where I review a single artist's albums from their first to their most recent. I even had a few artists in mind: Green Day, Van Halen, Fiona Apple, and so on.

But I decided that that would be too close to what I plan to do with bad albums (and, no, I haven't abandoned the original C2C idea; I just need to get some momentum going; and Covering the Covers and another originally canned segment, Analyzes the Lyrics, will also come in its own time. Please be patient.). As such, I've decided to do something a little different.

If someone else has already done something like this, fine, but I'm doing this just to get my foot in the internet's door, so to speak, and to sharpen my style and sense of humor so the finished product when I do actually make the move to video will be cleaner and, well, exactly as aweXome as my ego demands it be.

Anyway, rather than cover an artist album by album, I'm going to go from song to song, in alphabetical order, doing a short review of each song in that artist's repertoire.

And the artist I'm going to start in on is...

...

Hey, come back!

Meh, who needs them, anyway?

So, yeah. I've been on a Weird Al kick recently (and by "recently", I mean for the past 15 years). And to celebrate the release of his first studio album in five years (and not that bad a one either), I'm going to start at the A's and go all the way down to the Y's (no Z's in this mix), and review each one, starting with the above.

It should be fairly obvious what song this parodizes - or, rather, flat-out ridicules.

Most of Al's parodies take the title or the lyrics, put a completely different spin on them, and makes a completely different song out of the same tune, while at the same time having little to no connection with the source material.

Not so here.

This is one of a handful of what I term "meta-parodies" in which the subject matter of the song is directly tied to the song it's parodying. Other examples of this are "Smells Like Nirvana" and "Perform This Way", both of which I'll get to later.

The song itself is a list of things the narrator would rather do than listen to "Achy Breaky Heart". Now some of the alternatives don't seem that bad to me: I love the Bee Gees and the Village People, and some of Abba's songs are okay. Just about every other artist on the list, fine. Still better than that overplayed fake country-pop-crossover piece of garbage.

After a while, however, he gets into the weird, self-mutilation territory that has been a part of Al's repertoire, especially in his early days. "Tie me to a chair/and kick me down the stairs", and "I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain." Pretty harsh, yes, but still, arguably, more pleasant than another listening of "Achy Breaky".

This brings up an interesting point that I'd like to mention in passing here: Al seems to have a fascination with things being stuck to, driven into, or smashed against his head and/or face. As we continue further down this list, you will hear many other references to things being done to his face. In fact, I'm going to start a counter:

Things being driven into head and/or face counter: 1

Every time we hit a verse that mentions something happening to his head or face, I'll increment the counter. Let's see how high this thing goes.

There isn't much else to say about this song. It sets out to say ""Achy Breaky Heart" is a terrible song" - and it is - "and I really really don't want to listen to it." And it accomplishes that through the use of parody, which means, in a way, we actually are listening to the song we so rabidly, viciously hate. Oh, cruel, cruel irony.

But then we get to the ending... and it's at that point that the song abandons all pretense that this is anything other than an opportunity to openly mock this song, as well as everyone and everything associated with it. Take a listen...

Kazoo and Mockery sounds by JackPowerX

I mean, sure, the belch sounds and hand/armpit farts in the background during the spaces between lyrics gave it a bit of a sting, but this? This is the equivalent of ending a performance of the original with no applause, and one guy in the back yelling "You suck!"

I hope Billy Ray has a good sense of humor, because I'm pretty sure this was not part of the pitch.

Al: "Hey, Billy"

Billy Ray: "Yeah?"

Al: "Can I do a parody of your song, "Achy Breaky Heart"?"

Billy Ray: "What you gonna do with it?"

Al: "Well, I was thinking about giving a laundry list of songs and things that I'd rather suffer through than listening to it. What do you think?"

Billy Ray: "..."

Al: "..."

Billy Ray: "Throw in some people doing that "Na-na-na-na-na-naaaah" thing, and you got yourself a deal!"

Okay, not a whole lot of material on this first one; the song itself took all the good jokes (and that's a good thing). Hopefully, there'll be more to work with on the next song. What song's up next?

Next up: Addicted to Spuds

...aw, crap...

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 30

Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

"Okkusenman" (author unknown)

I couldn't stop listening to this song back then. Before my life took an abrupt left at Albuquerque, I played this song to death on my mp3 player, and it was good.

This is the best version, imo: a remix of the original version and one of the many commercial releases done by a female J-pop band whose name I can't seem to locate.

Enjoy.

And, yes, I skipped day 23 on purpose, because I'm not sure it will apply to me.

Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding -

/forever alone/

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 29

Day 29 – A song from your childhood

"Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley

I have no idea what attracted me to this song when I was younger. Maybe it was the beat, the sweet, sweet synth beat, Don Henley's smooth vocals, I don't know, because I certainly didn't understand the meaning of the lyrics until much later.

The song is a scathing attack on television news transforming from information to entertainment. Those of you who keep at least an ear to network and/or cable news understand, as I do, that even though this song was recorded back in 1982, it still holds true, perhaps even moreso, today.

Although, in one way, this song played a vital role in the slow, inexorable corruption of my mind, because of one word: "Crap". "We all know that crap is king," he says, and I giggled. Boy, did I giggle. I was, like, 6-7 at the time, and that word being in a song just blew my mind.

Now, some 30 years later, I can make a lewd reference to the end of the last paragraph with my eyes closed. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thanks, Don. In one small way, you helped create a monster.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 28

Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty

"...Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears

*sigh*

Yes, I totally bought into Britney when she first came out. (musically, I mean. Not as in... "came out", because to my knowledge she hasn't done that yet. ...she's just kissed multiple women.)

I feel ashamed for liking this song when I did. I don't dislike it now, but I don't like it enough to call it a "guilty pleasure". But you know what I'm even more ashamed of?

...I bought the CD.

Yes, folks, I have a copy of ...Baby One More Time sitting on my shelf.

I intend to review it when I get this crate off the ground, but for now, just sheer, unadulterated guilt.

...don't judge me...

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 27

Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play

"Lady" by Little River Band

The piano and guitar on this song are both amazing. In fact the whole instrumentation melds with the vocals beautifully. This is an incredible song.

Background note: this group is one of two in which I loved more than one of their songs but didn't know who the artist was until much later in life. (Lady, Lonesome Loser, Reminiscing)

The other? Steely Dan. (Rikki Don't Lose That Number, Do It Again, Reelin' in the Years)

Just a bit of randomness about me.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 26

Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument

"Mama Said" by Metallica

Back when I believed I could learn to play guitar, I learned the chords to this song by ear and played it and sang to entertain myself.

I got rid of the guitar when I just gave up. I don't know if I can ever get back to that.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 25

Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh

"Confessions, Part 3" by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Without a doubt the best song on Staight Outta Lynwood, and one of my favorite songs of his; indeed, this song easily makes top 10 of my favorite songs of all time.

The layers of metahumor in this song are amazing: Al skillfully skewers the song's premise, encapsulating the entirety of both songs into a single verse before launching into aweXome. He also subtly pokes the layering effect of modern R & B, even using it to deliver two punchlines at once at the end of the second verse:

FYI, It was not a cold sore

(Not a cold sore)

Oops, my bad!

(Hope you're not sore at me!)

As for the song itself, it comes on at full throttle from the start and doesn't let up. In the "vein" of the first two Confessions letting his girl in on some deep, dark secrets, Part 3 presents us with a laundry list of things, according to the song itself: "...that should scare you away...".

These new Confessions range from the silly:

...remember when I told you that I knew Pauly Shore?

Pauly Shore? That's a lie.

I don't know what I said that for!

To the unhygenic:

I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days...

To the... utterly bizarre:

Oh, and sometimes in private,

Really like to dress up like Shirley Temple

And spank myself with a hockey stick. (Hockey stick)

As a side note, I have two very specific musical pet peeves: long musical introductions to songs, and songs that don't end (a.k.a "repeat and fade").

This song is beautiful because it actually has an ending. An actual story-like ending (spoiler alert):

The song itself ends teasing a fourth Confessions installment, indicating that he's not "...even halfway down the list...", when the girl he's singing to storms out of the room to the singer's utter disbelief.

Hey, where you going?

Honey?

...what?!

W-was it something I said?

*sigh* Women...

Perfect end!

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 24

(For those of you wondering what happened to Day 23... good question. Maybe I'll answer it later. Anyway on to...)

Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral

"Bother" by Stonesour

I love this song. It fits my mood perfectly right now. I want this blaring as the drag the empty casket that serves as my memorial from the funeral to its final resting place (I plan on going out not leaving enough to bury) ^^

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 22

Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad

"Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap

For those of you not hip on old, outdated internet memes, let me go over the particulars:

In 2005, the prime-time soap "The OC" had a season finale where someone got shot or something, and it was done in slow motion set to the bridge of this song.

Not long after (if you consider two years "not long"), Saturday Night Live did one of their "Digital Shorts" called "Dear Sister" that spoofed this scene, which, in turn led to a plethora of spoofs and parodies of this theme. See the Know Your Meme entry on it here.

Well, me, not satisfied with just one part of a song, I sought out the whole thing and listened to it, and it is a very emotional song. When I need a good purging of sadness, this is a good song to purge it to.

And it's a capella, so that hooked me right away.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 21

Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy

"Mr. High and Mighty" by Gov't Mule

This song is 100% feelgood from the opening guitar lick to the the very end. The energy of it is unbelievable, and the raspy, angry vocals just lace it with that "I'm better than you" vibe that make a good mood even better.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 20

Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry

"Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit

Yeah, Limp Bizkit isn't exactly good music, but, honestly, when you're in a pissed-off mood, the driving guitar lick and the angry vocals resonate well. And, well, quite frankly, when you're that deep into the anger, you don't really care who's singing as long as it matches the mood.

So, I suppose Limp Bizkit is the $2 hooch of angry metal. Tool/APC, Korn, Disturbed, Breaking Benjamin, et al may have better music, but when you really want to get drunk on your anger, go with the cheap shit.

Which would explain what happened at Woodstock '99, actually...

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 19

Day 19 – A song from your favorite album

"(Untitled)" by Eminem

I have no intention of doing a full review of Recovery, mainly because there are only so many ways you can say "THIS IS AWSEOME!!!"

This track is the best example I can give.

Yes, the lyrics are goofy, but that can be forgiven, considering it's a freestyle.

The flow is amazing (Like Troy Polamalu's hair, boy!), and it's just fun to listen to.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 18

Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio

"Fuck You" by Cee-Lo

Radio stations have no balls.

Television stations have no balls.

They're so worried about offending 1% of the population that they're willing to alienate the other 99%.

I mean, the vast majority of people won't care if someone says a "bad word" on the radio or TV. It's just people who either:

a) believe they know better than the rest of the world what is "good" and "proper" and so they seek to ensure all such expression is removed from public consumption

2) people who don't want to bother raising their own children and teach them about shit like this so they always seek a State-sponsored solution (this option is also called the "think of the children" option)

or

III) people who don't want to deal with their own shit, so they devote their focus on the outside world, wanting to "make the world a better place". (This option also encompasses the previous two)

...who want to see songs like this, ideas like this, and words like this removed from public discourse.

And why are words "bad" anyway? The only thing bad about Carlin's "seven dirties" are their reputation. As far as I know, nobody has died, or even been injured, directly by the utterance of any word, let alone one of these.

In fact, I would wager that's why "Fuck You" is so popular: because it uses a "bad word". If such words weren't given the "bad boy" image and reputation that they've been given over the millennia, this song, although it is still amazing in its own right, would not be nearly as beloved as it is.

Okay, rant over. The song: it hearkens back to old school Motown in all the right ways. Cee-Lo's vocals carry the song all the way through, and the angry vocal breaks just punctuate it perfectly.

The lyrics, even in the "clean version" - which doesn't have the same impact. As much as I hate to agree with Dane Cook, "Fuck" is the ultimate insult, complete with the "Fff", the "Uhh", and the "CK". "Forget" just falls flat, imo. But anyway - are nice and filling, but there is one small issue with it that I must address:

In the chorus, he's singing to the guy who stole his girl. "I see you drivin' 'round town with the girl I love...". But in the verses, he's talking to the girl herself. "I said Baby, I'm sorry, I can't afford a Ferrari...". Hell, he even switches subjects in the middle of the chorus "I said if I was richer, I'd still be wit'cha..."

I'm of the mind that you should pick a subject and run with it. Shifting back and forth like that takes me out of the song a bit. I mean, I think this song would be improved greatly by changing the parts singing to the guy and shift it so that it's all about cussing out the girl. Something like,

"I see you drivin' 'round town with another man, and I'm like "Fuck you!"

I guess my style and my money weren't in yo' plans; I'm like "Fuck you and fuck him too!""

See? Simple change, keeps you into the song.

But, then, who am I to second-guess Cee-Lo? Regardless of that one issue, it's still an amazing song that you'll never hear on the radio as it was intended.

And that, my friends, is a shame.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 17

Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio

"Unchained" by Van Halen

When I used to shuffle through my mix of radio stations, I'd always stop when I hear this song.

Yeah, the driving guitar lick and DLR's raspy vocals are fine enough, but the real kicker for the song is the vocal break just before the last chorus.

That, for me, is my single favorite moment in music, where Diamond Dave decides, in the middle of recording the song, to compliment the producer about his suit. (and, yes, that's his voice on the track)

Whether it was extemporaneous or staged, to me, is irrelevant. It was still awesome, and I loved hearing it on the radio.

...you know, back when I listened to radio...

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 16

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate

...I'm not going to win many hearts over this one...

"We Are the Champions" by Queen

I still adore Queen, but I can't stand this song any more. It's just played to death. It's a staple on classic rock stations, where it gets played at least once a day, sometimes more.

They play it back-to-back with "We Will Rock You", which is virtually untouchable, but once that last guitar fades out, so do I.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 15

Day 15 – A song that describes you

"Unwell" by Matchbox 20

This should come as a surprise to absolutely nobody.

My second choice was:

"Imaginary" by Evanescence

I tend to get stuck in my head a lot. Reality is a place I visit only rarely, if at all - which is why I refer to it as the "Other World". The world I created for myself is much better than the one that I was born into, and I have trouble dealing a lot of the time.

But, then, if I didn't spend so much time there, I wouldn't be able to make stuff like this.

As for the music, Matchbox 20 and Evanescence are among my favorite artists. A Rob Thomas/Amy Lee duet would make me JIMP. Seriously.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 14

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love

Okay, given everything else I've said and done on this list, and all the other posts I've made among my other forums (Twitter, FB, Tumblr), you seem to have a pretty good idea of what kinds of music I like, and what kinds I probably don't.

This may surprise you. Then again, it might not. But I loved this song the moment I first heard it, not knowing who it was. Hell, I thought at first it was a Christian rock song. (THAT would be a surprise)

Thankfully, it wasn't, but who it actually is... well...

"Larger Than Life" by the Backstreet Boys

...really.

Yes, really.

You thought the most embarrassing revelation was that last one? Oh, no.

But, seriously, I LOVE this song. I don't love BSB - most of their stuff was total pop garbage - but I can't not love this one. It's got a driving beat, the synth is pretty sweet, and the song itself is a thank-you to their fans. That makes its awesomeness more awesome.

If I lose fans over this, I'd have to say... "Woah, I had fans? Cool."

Anyway, there it is. It's out there.

No regrets.

Moving on.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 13

Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure

"Hit 'em High (The MonStars Anthem)" B-Real, Busta Rhymes, Coolio, LL Cool J, and Method Man, "Space Jam" soundtrack

Yeah, I know. It's a blatant marketing gimmick: get five popular rappers to do a collab for a movie about basketball. Get it? Five guys? Because there's five guys on a basketball team?

Yeah, totally doomed to fail, right?

Well, I'd be right there along with you... if this song weren't so damn catchy!

I mean, here you have five all-stars of rap in their prime: B-Real of Cypress Hill, Coolio, Method Man of the Wu-Tang Clan, LL Fucking Cool J, and Busta Fucking Rhymes. Big names doing what is, really, a silly song celebrating the movie's villains, the MonStars. They could easily have just phoned it in and called it a paycheck.

They fucking killed it!

The only one who sounded like he might have been just paychecking it was Coolio, but with him it's hard to tell.

Seriously, on paper, everything about this song screams "Bad! Fail! Avoid at all costs!" But, to paraphrase ESPN anchor Kenny Mayne: songs aren't played on paper; they're played inside boom boxes.

Listen to it. Give it a chance. You'll be bouncing as early as the first line.

In fact, give the whole soundtrack a shot. Seal's cover of "Fly Like An Eagle" is amazing, and, of course you can't badmouth R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly". Just about every track on there is at least good, most great.

...but, of course, that's because all the suck was taken up by "Buggin'"

Yeah. That.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 12

(Thanks to Blogger taking an extended dump last night, I'll be pulling a double for this one)

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate

There are actually few bands that I actually hate (other than Creed, which I've already covered). I can tolerate most music, and even if a group's music is bad, bland, or just stupid, I don't necessarily hate them.

Even the easy hate targets I can't say that I hate. Nickelback? I like some of their harder stuff, and "Rockstar" is just too much fun not to sing along to. Daughtry? His/their stuff is pop pablum, sure, but it's listenable.

Even Van Hagar doesn't inspire hate for me; I still dig on Van Halen's old stuff, and listening to the stuff with Sammy Hagar as lead makes me more sad than angry. And Gary Cherone? I'll have a special episode based around that ill-conceived pairing.

So, I'm going to have to go outside my normal genre-based comfort zone and pick on music I don't normally listen to: country.

Again, I don't hate country as a genre. I like a few country songs as well, and a few country artists. And seeing as how if and when I go to Lone Star Steakhouse for my semi-regular dose of their ranch dressing that I HAVE to listen to it, I've learned to tolerate it, and make fun of it - not out of hatred, but because I'm just a smartass like that.

But there is one guy that inspires just as much hate if not moreso than Creed, and I'm fairly certain you'll agree:

"I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith

In the world of uber-patriotic, chauvinistic, unabashed rednecks, Toby Keith is king. If ever there was a man who would drive me to renounce my American citizenship, it is Mr. "We'll Put A Boot In Your Ass; It's The American Way" here.

The thing is, he's not really that intense of a singer. Even when he's flying the flag at full staff and getting ready to chow on raw venison, his vocal style comes off as... well... bored.

I chose this song specifically for two reasons: 1) it's the song of his that's freshest in my mind, having heard it at a bar very recently, and b) it's a good example of what his songs are like lyrically and vocally. It comes off as having a trait most people associate with rednecks: laziness. Like he's not even trying.

And that's what infuriates me the most: How can you have that much bombast, that much over-the-top militaristic love of God and country be that fucking boring? And, worse, how does he still have fans?!

/sigh/ There isn't much else to say... primarily there isn't much else to it. Rest assured that this is my last foray into the realm of country music. I can't go back there. I won't go back there.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 11

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band

Had a lot of material to pick from, so I went with the aweXome:

"Lookin' Down the Barrel of a Gun" by the Beastie Boys

The Beastie Boys are my favorite music thing, person, group, and/or menagerie ever. Looking forward to their new disc, but I thought I'd go back in time to a disc that many have said was their crowning work: Paul's Boutique.

You can feel the energy in this piece from the first drumbeats all the way to the last lines, in the bell ring that precedes each verse, and in the half-second sample of the opening guitar from Mountain's "Mississippi Queen" at the start of the second verse.

The shout-outs come fast and furious in this one, even moreso than most other B-Boy songs. I may be wrong on this, but I think "Barrel" has more shout-outs per capita than any other B-Boy song outside of Hello Nasty's "Dedication", which doesn't really count, since it's song entirely composed of shout-outs.

Anyway, bask in the awesome that is Ad', D, and MCA.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 10 (Day 11 Edition)

Sorry this is late; I fell asleep last night. Anyway...

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep (Ironically enough)

"A Horse With No Name" by America (Listen to it here)

Not much to say about this one: the combination of acoustic guitar, droning lyrics, and almost no variation of tone make this song a snoozer. It's like an acoustic cover of Nelly reading the dictionary, only not as potentially entertaining.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 9

Day 09 – A song that you can dance to

"Party Up (Up In Here)" by DMX (Listen here: normal explicit)

I had completely forgotten about this song until I pulled my copy of "...and Then There Was X" out of my visor and popped it into my car CD.

I was bopping, head-shaking, and moving as much as I could safely while driving.

I love DMX (trivia: "DMX" stands for "Dangerous Man of the Unknown"). I only know of a few of his songs, but this CD is pretty good, and his rap style comes off like a Rottweiler: he talks, you better fucking listen!

This track, and really, DMX himself, is unique because, although I hate edited tracks with a motherfucking-ass passion, he doesn't fuzz or blank them out; he fills them in with his voice going "Woo!" or "What?!" and other stuff. I put both versions up so you can hear how both versions are sweet in their own way.

The driving beat, DMX's flow, and the sweet, sweet horn track make this a get yo' ass up and shake it song!

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 8

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to

Now, there's a hole with no bottom. Well, with so many to choose from, I decided to go with one that's fun for me to sing:

"Brian Wilson" by Barenaked Ladies (Listen to it here)

I may perform this song later; I'm just not up for it today. Let me know in comments or by message if you want to hear it.

I'm just to messed up to make witty comments right now. Suffice to say that I like this song and this group - mostly their old stuff up to and including Stunt.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 7

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event

"Monty Got a Raw Deal" by REM (Listen to it here)

Back when I was in college, I was on the fencing team... back when there WAS such a thing as a fencing team, and during away meets, I brought along my trusty tape player and my copy of Automatic for the People (Fluorescent yellow plastic FTW, yo!) And this, by far, is my favorite track on that album.

I love the minor-chorded gutiar opening, the mandolin-laced transition between the verses and the chorus, and Michael Stipe's voice is just awesome.

So, yeah, to me, REM = fencing. Sweetness.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 6

Day 06 – A song that reminds you of somewhere

"So Much To Say" by Dave Matthews Band

Decent song, but it will be forever tied with Florida for me.

Many years ago, my grandma died of breast cancer. The family drove from Indiana to Florida(!) to be at the funeral.

My only link to sanity while I was down there was a tape player and a copy of Crash by DMB, and this song is the one that stuck out among all the tracks to me.

On a side note, I didn't cry. I was... peaceful.

I miss her though; she was one of the few members of my family I still claim as mine; one of the few who loved me for who I am instead of what I could do for them.

...

...okayimdone.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 5

Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone

I came -> || this close to posting another song, but the less I'm reminded about her, the better, so I went with this instead:

"Third Eye" by TOOL (Listen to it here)

"Today, a young man on acid realized that matter is merely energy condensed into a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there's no such thing as death, life is just a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Here's Tom with the weather." - Bill Hicks (1961-1994)

This isn't as much a meme entry as a shoutout to my cousin Terry Million. During my misspent youth, he was the one I misspent most of my time with. He's a great guy and an amazing artist. He opened my mind to many things, including the band TOOL.

Our paths took us in different directions, both physically and philosophically, but still, I wouldn't be what I am had he not been in my life.

As for the song itself, it took many years to grasp its full meaning, intent, and impact on me, but I'm eternally grateful for having been introduced to it.

At 13:45, it is a long one, but it's not so long that you start to lose interest, as each note, word, and anticipatory instrumentation draws you in deeper. It opens with three statements by the late, great comedian Bill Hicks. If you want a mind-opening experience, find some of his bits and listen to him. He's like late-career George Carlin only with about one-quarter of the cynicism, because he genuinely believed mankind could pull itself out. (Watch this to see what I mean).

But I digress...

The song is ultimately about drugs, unashamedly so. So much so that it actually sounds like an acid trip. I imagine that this song would be enhanced by ingesting a mind-altering substance, but I wouldn't know. (Any insight into this would be appreciated)

The tone and tempo of the song slowly builds over time, until the climax at the end. It does repeat itself, and the lyrics and drum seem to be off-time, with the lyrics in 4/4 time and the drums in 3/4. Oddly enough, though, it works, and makes for a mind-blowing finish to an amazing song.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 4

Day 04 – A song that makes you sad

"Going Through Changes" by Eminem (Hear it here)

I tried very hard not to use more than one song by a particular group or artist, but I can't help it. Eminem has been big for me these past several months, and this song more than fits today's theme.

"Going Through Changes" outlines the artist's slow, inexorable decline into addiction and suicide after the death of his best friend, the rapper Proof, and shows how true love can bring anyone back from even the deepest abyss.

The hook of the song is sampled directly from the chorus of "Changes" by Black Sabbath. The contrast in tone is striking because although both songs deal with loss, Sabbath's song is pining for a lost love, while Eminem is trying to find a way to survive without someone he grew up with, close as brothers. Even so, Ozzy's slow, pining declaration seems to fit perfectly in each section of the song.

The issues touched on in this song are the issues that are present all through Recovery: the death of Proof, the price of fame, Em's own disappointment in his previous work, and his drug addiction and near-fatal overdose. In this track, however, they're woven into a narrative that illustrates the fall and fall of Eminem in the years following Proof's death. The emotion carried by the song is a complete contrast to the near-monotone delivery. In fact, the delivery amplifies the emotion by not getting in its way - Eminem has a voice and a style that can overpower any song. This song shows he can do subtle as well.

There'll be at least one more Em song on this list. You have been warned.

BTW, if you don't at least tear up the first time you hear Hailie say "Daddy", you have no soul.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 3

Day 03 – A song that makes you happy

"Motteke Sera-fuku (Lucky Star Theme)" Watch here

Screw your judgment.

I love Lucky Star, and am unrepentant in doing so. After seeing scenes chopped up in YouTube Poops, I sought out the series and watched it. Needless to say, once I started watching the series in full, I was completely hooked.

Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I fell in love with this song from the first moment I heard it... on a video that had little to do with Lucky Star and more to do with Konata buying sausage.

There has never been a moment where hearing this song has not lifted my spirits. It's a happy, peppy, upbeat song about those cute little sailor-suit school uniforms.

What else can I say about this song? If you don't like it... MOTTEKE!

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 2

Day 02 – Your least favorite song

I hemmed and hawed on this one for a while, tossing several choices back and forth before finally deciding on...

"My Own Prison" by Creed (listen here)

No band makes me reach for the radio knob faster than Creed, and no Creed song makes me want to stick a flaming shish-kebob into my eardrums like My Own Prison.

Some background: Me and religion, particularly that of the Judeo-Christian variety, parted ways many years ago. Why would take too long to explain - suffice to say that I have learned things that I can't unlearn, not that I would if given the chance - but as a result, I'm not a fan of blatantly religious or religious-advertising songs.

Don't misunderstand; I'm not disparaging anyone else's right to believe what they want. It's when people try to make you believe what they believe that gets me angry. I don't advertise my lack of religion to you, so please don't advertise your religion to me. Good? Good.

Now then, this dovetails into my utter hatred for Creed. A lot of their music has subtle Christian overtones that make it hard to listen to to begin with.

...that and trying to marry such ideas with the man who sings them, Scott Stapp, with all his personal, legal, and public problems, is mind-twisting, to say the least. Yeah, hypocrisy doesn't sit well with me either, but we'll leave that here, as that is just one petal on the hate flower I have grown for Creed.

This song in particular makes no attempt to hide its Christian roots, its preachiness, or its suck. Stapp's voice is particularly hard to listen to on this track, aside from the lyrical content, as he tries to wring a bucket of pathos from a thimble of material. You can tell that he's trying REALLY hard to evoke an emotion from the listener, but all he does is make me cringe. Listening to his voice in general is like slowly rubbing my soul with steel wool.

Add to that the lyrics... wow. I think Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank summed it up best.

"I hear a thunder in the distance
See a vision of a cross
I feel the pain that was given
On that sad day of loss
A lion roars in the darkness
Only he holds the key
A light to free me from my burden
And grant me life eternally" - Creed, "My Own Prison"

Again... wow! These lyrics are about as subtle as a bible flung at your throat. If I wanted to be proselytized to, I'd go back home.

Even outside the issues I have with the singer and the lyrics, it's just plain unlistenable. Even if you had a random person hum the melody over the instrumental track, it would still suck sixteen balls and a long shaft... not to mention the pool table itself.

Anyway, I hate this song. My hate for this song could fill three Olympic-sized swimming pools before you get to the real seething anger. It's brooding, preachy, blatantly religious, and just plain sucks as a song.

30 Songs in 30 Days - Day 1

(It's still May 1st somewhere...)

Hey, everyone!

While I work up the courage to finish recording my first review and/or post a text review of some kind, I thought I'd give you an idea where I'm coming from musically with a 30 Songs in 30 Days meme.

Music has always been a part of my life, and I tend to retain things I hear more than things I see, and I impress/annoy friends and family with my ability to recognize and sing songs after only hearing a little bit of it.

That's why I'm choosing to go this route primarily with my reviews, but I will probably review other things in my other blog(s).

For now, though, let's jump in with...

Day 01 – Your favorite song

"Operator (That's Not the Way It Feels)" by Jim Croce

This song is, to me, the perfect song. It tells a whole story from beginning to end in the course of the lyrics. The instrumentation is amazing without overpowering the singer. And Jim Croce's voice fits this song perfectly: hovering between calm confidence and emotional surrender, but never quite reaching either.

Jim Croce is one of my favorite singer/songwriters. He knows how to tell a story well, based on his other, more well-known songs, and nothing he does is overdone or underdone: the lyrics aren't overly emotional or bland, and his singing is likewise.

A lot more songs that you will see on this list are more emotionally attached to me, but this one will always and forever be my favorite.

WTF, Grammys? (Rant warning)

I know that the voting process for these awards is already batshit insane, but this, I feel, deserves a rant.

Here we are, less than a week removed from the Grammy awards, and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around one thing:

Album of the Year

Now, as anyone who knows me know, I'm a huge Eminem freak. Recovery saved my sanity, blah, blah, blah... so, yeah, I'm pissed that Recovery didn't win best album, but that's not what is vexing me.

Here's a pop quiz. What do these three albums have in common:

Eminem's Recovery
Lady Antebellum's Need You Now
Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster

All three were nominated for Album of the Year, plus Best Album in their respective genres, and each of those albums won in their category.

Know what else they have in common?

THEY DIDN'T WIN ALBUM OF THE YEAR!

Know what album isn't on that list?

No, not Katy Perry's Teenage Dream

It's Arcade Fire's The Suburbs. You know, the album that won?

Know what it didn't win? BEST ALTERNATIVE ALBUM!

So, basically, we have a Best Album of the year that wasn't even the Best Album IN ITS OWN GENRE!

Let's think about that for a moment: The Black Keys' Brothers won Best Alternative Album over The Suburbs.

Now, we could easily say that it was a close contest and The Suburbs came in second, but it's entirely possible that it came in dead last. The Grammy voting is by secret ballot. We may never know how close or not the voting was.

What does this mean? It means that the best Rap, Country, and Pop albums were not better than an also-ran in the Alternative genre - that at least one if not more albums THAT WEREN'T NOMINATED are better than the best albums in three different genres.

Fuck you, Grammys.

A cut in format

In thinking about my show Cover to Cover, I realize that I'm trying to do too much. And, like anything where you try to be more than one thing, you're not as good at any one of them as you could be.

As such, I am trimming my scope, focusing primarily on the albums (i.e., the namesake of the show), and leaning toward the mediocre and bad albums. (I mean, because how many ways can you say "this is awesome" before it gets annoying)?

Occasionally, I will do an off-schedule short where I analyze a cover song (Convering the Cover), because I have a few of those I'd like to hit (the first of which will probably be my Depeche Mode triple-shot). Also, I'll be doing a wide range of covers, good, bad, and ugly, turning it into a combination of old vs. new and "OMG WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT SONG, YOU BASTARD?!" (...and I have the perfect candidate for that one)

Plus, I may do unscripted vlogs on occasion, describing new songs and CD's I purchased, or, perhaps moreso, mashups that I have taken to listening to.

I just need to relax and do what I do. Will I get famous? Probably not, but I'm doing this for fun, and letting what happens happen.

That said, once I wet my feet on this other vlog I'm doing (see my other blog for details), I'll get to work on my first selections.

Here is a tentative schedule, with no dates in mind. Look for updates every two weeks or so until I get into a groove:
Show 1: Calling All Stations by Genesis
Show 2: Invincible by Michael Jackson
Show 3: Double Feature: 5150 and III by not-Van Halen
Show 4: 12 Inches of Snow (yeah, right) by Snow
Show 5: Polka Party by "Weird Al" Yankovic
Show 6: Fairweather Johnson and Musical Chairs by Hootie and the Blowfish

Details as they become available. For now, it feels good to actually pare this down.